Writers' block four

On the sin of being a sloot

I’ve recently realized the comic value of polls (in terms of making me giggle)

plus it’s validating when people vote on utterly ridiculous things!

I Call BS

“Thou shalt not commit adultery”. How many women died because of that commandment?

way more than men

WAYYYYYY more

Yeah, it’s a great example of a rule that never really applied to men.

do you think the mistress of a cheater is behaving unethically?

Why would I? He promised fidelity to his partner. She didn’t.

so if a male friend tried said “she seduced me” and that he “wasn’t a cheater”

what would you say?

Grow up and take responsibility for yourself, you’re 45 ffs.

(you know who you are)

The Sluttiest Hypothesis

did I ever tell you about my “slut rejection” hypothesis?

I don’t think so.

people always move too fast with us

Is this a bit where we brag about how much rizz we have?

no, it’s a bit where we complain about how much rizz we have

Oh. So sad-bragging?

mmm more like frustrated-bragging

Lead the way.

people don’t just shame sluts

they shame themselves for laying with sluts

I do my absolute best to avoid being pushy

I am, however, very forward about what I’m wiling to do

some people listen, like what they hear and say yes

So far so good.

and then there’s no date 2

most of the texts run along the lines of “I never move that fast and I’m just not comfortable with where the first date went”

..

grow up

you took me back to your apartment

my rizz is not an excuse for your inability to regulate your libido

Men and women?

both

Sounds really frustrating.

it’s not nice when you blow someone

and they paint you as a bad person for blowing them

Like a sexy cowgirl

a friend told me I have a sultry voice, which shocked me

I wasn’t deliberately cultivating a sultry voice, just a girly one!!

..

so I asked some more friends, got a unanimous yes

my best man friend started nodding like crazy when I asked him

…

So what do you think?

Good girltheyboy

do you know what a praise kink is?

I assume it’s exactly what it sounds like?

yep

you’re a good boy for figuring that out so fast!

*blushes*…Stop that. I want to tell a story.

the floor is yours

Imagine you’re a child. Imagine you’re a bad child, for years. Then you cool your rage, prove to be academically brilliant and now you’re a good child.

You’re brilliant enough to know the moment you stop achieving, you’ll be a bad child again. Achievements aren’t something to celebrate. They’re necessities. And the more you achieve, the less impressive each achievement becomes. The bar is simply set higher and higher.

Their praise rings hollow. Nonetheless, the entirety of your ego is built on academic and economic achievement. And (as males are wont do) dating/sex. Being praised for anything else feels… meaningless. Or uncomfortable. Or manipulative.

you’re a good boy regardless of what you achieved, Myles

you’re a good boy because you were a good person

Stop trying to make me blush!

never

🎉 you should skip this part, it gets pretty offensive funny 🎉

You date partnered men, right? Why? You express such condemnation for them.

it’s not condemnation

I simply recognize who they are

but people can be good and bad

sometimes the rest of the package outweighs the flaws

IF you know what I mean 😜

Ugh. Obviously I do. Please tell me that’s not how we make decisions.

obviously not!

I can find 20 people with weighty packages on Grindr in a day

I’m not obsessed with the weightiness of their packages

but… between us girls? 😉

I know what you’re going to say. Don’t say it. Please. Please don’t. It’s unnecessary.

they just need to be weightier than mine

😤 WHY?! NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW THIS!

it’s funny to imagine reader reactions

don’t hate the player, hate the game

harder to feel femme when I’m swinging the bigger bat

Are we just going to cycle through this joke over and over with different innuendo? Is this a Letterkenny sketch?

Hate the game was a nice touch, though. ✋

✋ right?!

just lean into it

how about “I want my wedding tackle to be the bride, not the groom?”

🤔 Something about a python vs an anaconda?

definite potential!!

…

ok this one is a call and response:

look, it doesn’t need to be a tube of tennis balls or a 40 of king cobra

😏

You don’t even drink King Cobra.

but I drink guys who drink King Cobra! 😜

👀 Jesus Christ, Mika. Seriously?

too frank?

😒 That’s barely even innuendo.

how about “I don’t need a driver, the 6-iron will do?” 😄

Way too specific.

Ugh. Do I really have to do this next bit? 😩

participation is mandatory

So how would you describe your sex life?

honestly, it’s like a flight school and I’m in charge of equipment testing

🎩 🙇🏻‍♂️

that’s the best one we’ve ever come up with, I think 😊💞

wait

I don’t bottom

does this even matter?

Does it?

I mean, oral is more challenging if it’s big, so I get a sense of accomplishment?1

but yeah other than that and the relative optics, it doesn’t really matter

So we wrote this segment just for fun and to screw with men?

basically

height is way more important to me [evil grin emoji]

Do not wade into this. Do not. 😩

what?!

I’m six feet tall

it’s harder to feel femme when you tower over him

..

😈

😫 Don’t go there. I know it’s funny but don’t. We’ve gone far enough.

and now you know why I prefer black guys!2 😁

Shit.

Let's end with some real polls and real answers. In the past month you've gotten sex jokes, a romance/erotica novella, and a comparative religion article. All jam packed with things to be offended about.

I like Jews more than I like anyone else (so I tease a bit), and they're the best historical record keepers outside of China (so I reference their stuff a lot). If Nashville actually had Jews, I'd definitely be chasing some cuties (any gender). It would also be a perfect fit because I don't want to be a breadwinner but do want nice things.What about the black guy sequence? Did that bother you?

If Dave Chappelle can denigrate, mock and call for the destruction of my people, I'm allowed to make light hearted dick size jokes about black men. "but you're fetishizing them!!!!"🙄 A white, southern housewife that hasn't spoken more than two consecutive minutes with a black person in her entire life is fetishizing them. She doesn't know them. She has no interest in knowing them as people or dating any of them. They're just sex objects to her.That's fetishizing.I have a reasonable, non-sexual preference based on experience and time spent with black men. They're really nice to me.And a sexual preference, sue me. 🙃

[thinking emoji] Kind of. But no more than they had a thing for me, tbh. Have you watched Korean or Chinese dramas? The male heartthrobs are bespectacled class presidents with nice eyes and rizz. I was just as much catnip to east Asian women as they were to me.On that note, I've never dated an Asian-American. Only Korean and Chinese nationals. That tracks.I've hooked up with more Jewish women than east Asians, actually. Same concept---I'm their type.

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