My Submission to the Risk Podcast

i wanna be the most interesting gurl in the world!

i decided im such a good storyteller

that im submitting my stuff to podcasts

wish me luck1

..

this is my email submission to them today!!

I recorded a previous story, Pain for the Fjords (that's a link to my substack), it comes in at 5:15 seconds. It's sort of the short form, emotional-content driven version of my longer form story proposed below.

SET THE SCENEWhere were you in life when this began? What was your “deal”?

This is a wide angle story about me walking down the road to suicide before deciding to gender transition earlier this year (I use she/they pronouns now), with a finale about my recovery and life changes.

The major event would be a manic episode I suffered in 2020 where I burned my career to the ground and was sued by a former law firm (I used to be an attorney). Also, funnily enough, it's Trump's bankruptcy firm.

That's not relevant to the story, but it is interesting, right?

Anyways, I crashed out of law and ultimately checked myself into an acute psychiatric care ward in February 2021 with suicidal thoughts. I came out of it, and spent the next nine months in crippling depression.

WHAT GOT THE BALL ROLLING?What motivated you to want to give, get or do something?

Not on point here. I write my stories as art therapy for myself. I want to tell my stories because I'm a selfish, flamboyant stripper in personality, and I find it empowering to bare my soul to people. I hope my stories help people. But I write them for me.

WHAT WAS AT STAKE?What did you stand to gain or lose?

My life, my gender, my presentation and my future.

HOW YOU TURNED THE CORNERWhat finally changed this situation, for better or worse? Did you succeed or fail or feel a shift?

In January of this year, I started timelining my life, trying to piece it together and makes sense of what happened. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that I had been suffering from gender dysphoria my entire life, and began experimenting with my identity and presentation (from mannerisms, voice therapy, make up, nail polish, EVERYTHING).

And it turned my entire life around. I started walking, dancing, lost 30 pounds. Better skin care, dermatologists, indulgent morning routines now. Cooking, cleaning, decorating my apartment. Making friends!

Everything, and I mean everything, turned around. I am thriving, still.

And in July, I started gender affirming hormone treatment. It was something that popped into my mind over and over again through my 20s. It was this thing that was impossible. I could never be that, do that. How could I change so much?

But I wanted to change, needed to change, and so I did.

SO WHAT?Why do you feel it’s daring to be sharing this? Why would a stranger listening to this story find it significant, affecting and worth remembering as they go about their lives?

I dunno. I'm a bougie, white, erudite, transfemme person. This is a story about the sort of pain I suffered, how it hurt me, and how I ultimately overcame it. How I found a path out of my dark forest and into the light. You know much better than me if this is a story your listeners will empathize them.

I think the way I write and speak about pain is universal.

But that's like, just my opinion, ya know?

Thanks for reading and listening!

Mika

PS: See how good a writer I am?

PPS: I'm really into myself now. Self-worship ftw.

I’m not that angry. they’re a good person with some unpleasant prejudices that limit them, ethically speaking. but I am hurt, and always will be. and it’s ok to be hurt without being angry. I don’t need to mask my pain with rage. I can handle the pain. You can handle pain, too.