My Journal for September 2023

9/4/2023

Ok, let’s try this journaling thing.

I am tired today. I feel tired everyday and it’s concerning tbh. I didn’t do much exercise. Kim made those pork-bread burgers for the first time (for me) today. I liked them. Kim is cute.

My emotions are mixed, honestly slightly down. Just uck. Maybe because I only worked three hours today.

My voice feels okish. Better than yesterday. But it still feels achey. Not great. I need to be cautious tomorrow.

Baldurs Gate 3 for at least 3 hours, I’d say. Also watching One Piece (anime). Think life version is better, tbh.

Have date tomorrow with rope daddy Mike.

UGH HAVE TO DRIVE KIM AND SHAVE LEGS WHAT

that means I have to shower the moment I wake up, which I know is actually a good habit but i hate it. I want to adjust to waking life, not be thrust into it.

Balls are still gone, I just checked. Still shocked. Years of fantasizing, years of sublimating and now they’re actually gone. Fashion benefit is already appaprent, despite some swelling remaining. Feels weird still when I flex my groin muscle and I don’t feel my testicles drawing up.

I feel sad about it too. They were born with me and die early. I cut out something permanently. So permanently. No kids, other than my saved sperm. None.

What happened to that image? Of a couple and two children? Why did I leave that? I still don’t under why. Did I leave it? I don’t know why.

Maybe I just needed the symbol. Masculinity ended. Myles is dead forever, we killed him together.

Maybe I just wanted to fully commit to Mika. A wedding ring for the new me?

Freaky stuff. I’m emotionally exhausted now so I’md one.