[ORIGINAL] The Bigger the Bonfire, the Brighter the Light

I might lose. I might get crushed. I might have grenade-ed my career for nothing.

Is it ok to admit that I feel alone and scared? That I might lose? That I might get crushed? That my bridges in the industry have been forever burned?

I’ve already lost so much. Friends, acquaintances, business contacts, media contacts. I grieve every single day. for the losses, I’ve already suffered. For the ones I know are coming.

Do you know what I’ve already lost to do this?

do you?

I am afraid. And I am lonely. And I am ethically enraged.

I shitpost because I’m angry.

And I write when I’m melancholic.

I don’t know if what I’m doing will ever matter. But it’s my attempt at trying.

Win or lose, I can finally sleep at night. For the first time in six years, I go to bed early and wake up early. I relish each morning, rather than fearing it. I found my shining light on the hill.

And it’s self-expression. It fills me with more joy than anything I ever did in #biglaw.

To Cole Schotz:

You can both go fuck yourself. I may be scared, but that won’t stop me from fighting you with every fucking fiber of my being.