#onhope

My life feels hopeless sometimes. Like I have no control over the things that matter to me, and no possibility of ever gaining control.

I feel adrift in a sea of emptiness. Like all of my interactions are meaningless. Like it feels hopeless to even try.

I try to be grateful for all the things I have, I do.

But it hurts to have spent so long building a career that I ultimately didn’t want.

It hurts to have spent so long worshipping a system I no longer believe is functional.

It hurts to have invested so much of my life in what now feels like a drain.

And it hurts to learn that I’ve been high on ADHD medication for a decade or longer.

It hurts to imagine who I would be and what I would have accomplished if I had been mentally healthy.

But the past is the past.

All I can do is try to build on what I have. And fight for what I believe in.