#ondopamine

How years of ADHD medication dulled my vitality for life

Dopamine is an interesting neurotransmitter. Repeated use of dopamine-abusive drugs, such as cocaine, raise the threshhold for your body to feel pleasure. Simultaneously, repeated use can sap the body’s ability to produce dopamine naturally.

After a decade of dopamine poisoning and untreated mental health issues, my vitality for life had dulled to almost nothing.  

What was once interesting and novel became boring and uninteresting. One by one, my hobbies died. I simply lost interest in everything in the world, bit by bit.

More than anything, I am scared that the decade I spent on ADHD medication post-college has somehow permanently dulled my ability to feel pleasure in life. That the scarring on my brain is permanent and irreparable.

I know these fears are coming from an anxiety-riddled brain in the midst of a depressive episodes. Knowing that helps deal with the anxiety.

These thoughts come from an anxious mind, and brain hitting rock-bottom neuro-chemically after a long manic episode.

But that doesn’t make the fear any less real of a feeling. The pounding in my chest, the tightness in my stomach, the angst behind my eyes. Those all exist, even when the object of my fear might not.

If I have one piece of advice for others, its to re-confirm your mental health diagnoses regularly. 

I spent my twenties prioritizing my career over my mental health, which I now deeply regret. If something is wrong, act. Go talk to a professional. And if your medication feels wrong, say something.