This is now a romance

Let me show you exactly what I do, and in what order

Author

Mika MacDonald
January 11, 2024

It’s really, really good. Especially the Four Day Weekend scenes. Really forking hot.

Everything from the midpoint on has been revised. Massively. 

These are commentary blocks

TOC | blurbs

Table of Contents

Futile Warnings

When I was a young boy, maybe 7 or 8, my grandma caught me with my hands down my pants. She said “if you play with those too much, they might fall off.”

And I thought to myself, “would that make me a girl?”

And then I thought “I would like that.”

Dreams

When I was 12, I had a dream. I was on the school bus, and my testicles fell off! I was looking for them under the seats and asking if anyone had seen anything rolling around the floor.

Then the teacher said “Michael, we’re here.”

I said “but I can’t find my testicles!”

And the teacher said “You can keep looking, if you want.”

And I didn’t want to…

Childhood

Like any child, I grew up. Screwed up by my parents’ blind spots and personal peccadillo? Check. Battered about by peer groups and unfair expectations? Check. Broken into pieces by the first love of my life? Check.

What could be more normal?

This is now a romance

we met in law school, during orientation
we didn’t interact much; think I spoke to him once during the fall quarter?
..
then we sat next to each other in Civil Procedure
that’s a super boring topic
we started talking and soon we were best friends
…
we spent hours together every day
at school, at my study carrel and then on Discord in the evening
one day we were at my study carrel
and he lent over to use my mouse and show me something
and I…
I saw him in a different light 😈
….
he smelt really good (IF you know what I mean)

*Blushes*

hey dude! Sorry I took so long to get on Discord, was trying to cook a good dinner for once

What were you making?

that chicken curry you recommended. good recommendation!

Did you use a sous vide?

why do you want me to buy a sous vide so bad?

Dude, it’s the best. Cook a week of chicken in one go. Add onions and curry.

thanks r/fitnessadvice

*laughingly* Shut up, dude.

[big smile]
so when do you wanna hit the gym this week?

I was planning to do MWF. Back and core on Monday.

I’ll skip Monday and join you for the rest.

Dude, it’s unhealthy to not work your back and core.

yeah yeah yeah… fine I’ll come Monday.

Nice. You’ve been coming a lot more recently.

Dunno. Just really wanted my body to feel healthier. Get more flexible, too.

I’m glad! The gym is always more fun if you’ve got a workout partner.

Yeah it’s lot a fun.

You’re definitely showing some results! The squats are really paying off.

*blushes*
Really?

Yeah it’s definitely noticeable, dude.

Well I gotta keep going then!

did he just compliment my butt?

A friend in need

Hey dude.

hey
sorry I didn’t call back earlier

It’s fine...

Are you ok? You haven’t come to the gym in weeks, you look like you aren’t sleeping and you’ve been missing classes.

I… I don’t know how to explain it
I’m sliding downhill
I feel like I have no control over anything.

Meet me at the hot tub. I’ll drag you there if I have to. Talk it out while sweating it out. Ok?

can’t you just come to my apartment?

You need to leave the apartment.

But I haven’t showered…

I’m coming up there, you’re going to shower and then we’re going to the hot tub.

…
ok

I promise you’ll feel better after, ok?

…
thank you

[i love you…]

Anyone want Italian for dinner?

How did that date go?

with the Italian girl?
really well

Yeah?

I liked her a lot!
I think we’re having dinner on Friday
… and she has nipple rings

You don’t mind the taste of metal?

nah it’s never bothered me

I’m not a big fan for that reason, but they do look crazy hot.

they do

Low effort

DUDE I’M PLAYING FORSEN
GET OVER HERE

Holy shit for real?

fr dude, come to my study carrel

Be there in 5 minutes.
…
Status?

I’m kicking Forsen’s ass

This is awesome! Is this my Paladin deck?

yeah, but I put in Troggdor and Hogger.

Why?

style points duh

Ugh ok.

it’s more fun this way!

Did you stream snipe?

of course not!
the win means nothing if I cheat.

I’m better than you in bed

She takes pole dancing lessons.

really? I’ve never heard of someone actually doing that
I figured it was a middle aged white lady thing like Pilates

That’s actually pretty accurate, according to her.

knew it!
so she’s good in bed?

Really good lol. Flexible and creative. Dancers, right?

that makes sense…

I should take a dance class… 😉

What’s happening?

Something is wrong, dude.
…
Look, I try to respect your boundaries, I do. But you’ve missed two weeks of classes. You’re not responding to texts or phone calls. I know I shouldn’t break down your door like this… but I’m scared, dude. Scared of losing my best friend.

I… I… I don’t know what’s happening, [NAME REDACTED].
I’m lost. I… I just hate it all. I hate tomorrow. I hate waking up. I just want to sleep. I just want to play my games. I hate it there; I hate class. I hate the stress and the competition. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing here. Am I just a money whore? Why the fuck am I here?! I HATE THIS!

»» i hate this… i hate myself

Professional Whores

You actually went to one?

I went to three different women. Over the last nine months. I think three to four each. I just… I needed someone.

I’m alone.

And… that feels ok?

look dude, not everyone has a girl on demand like you.

For real? Dude.

I’m sorry. I just… I needed to feel her warmth. I needed someone to… make me feel? make me feel… on fire? feel… alive? like… alive alive. I wanted to feel… cared for… valuable… she made me feel hot. desired.
fuck. what’s wrong with me? what sort of man am I?

»»» I’m not a man at all…

Hey! Take a deep breathe, ok?
What you did wasn’t wrong, Michael. She offered something for a price, and you paid for it. I’m just… worried about you. I know… I know things are tough. Life isn’t what you planned on it being. But… you’re a great person. You… have… value. You mean something to me, to [redacted]. You feel like you’re alone, but you’re not.

I’m right here with you, dude. I know I seem… happy. But I’m scared, too. I… dunno. I dunno what life is going to be like a year from now.

But… you’re my best friend and I… I need you. I need you to stop hating yourself for every decision you make. I need you here. With me.

Professional Prestige Whores

I got V10.

you got V10?!!?

I got V10!!!

you got V10!!!!!!!

[pending scene]

[pending scene]

I’ll never be alone

hey dude. can we talk about something serious?
I really need someone to talk to

Of course. Should I come over?

I would really like that

…

…

I think I’m trans

Oh. OH.
…
When did you know?

always? three months ago?
depends on how you look at it

Do you mind telling me more?

*smiling*
I would really love to. Thank you, dude.

Anything for you, d-…

Have you chosen a name?

Mia

Anything for you, Mia.

…

So why now?

my egg cracked and I didn’t want to spend another second waiting

Egg?

it’s a term a lot of transwomen use
the moment of revelation when you understand what’s been wrong your entire life

What cracked your egg?

you did

Me?!

you remember a few months ago, when I asked you about your hair?
and whether it was ever perceived as feminine
and then you said “maybe, but I just want to express myself, why let other people control that?”
..
something in my head screamed and I finally listened

…

[missing dialogue]

…

there’s no one I’m more comfortable around
..
*sniffling*
thank you. for just talking with me and letting me share

You’re my best friend. I’m always here for you.

*crying*

Awwww come on Mia.

*sobbing*
you… you called me Mia!!
*sobbing*
that’s my name!

*gently laughing*

Yeah, it is! Deep breaths. I’m here.

..
..
..
you’re not going to run right?
I don’t know if I can handle this without you.

I’m not gonna abandon you. Ever. Ok?

…

Hurrah 2

I got the clerkship!

You got the clerkship!!?!?!?

I got the clerkship!!!!

You got the clerkship!!!!!!

fr though

who even is James Comey?

Says he’s the current Director of the FBI.

uChicago grad?

Yeah. You don’t think he’ll be an interesting commencement speaker?

eh

I think one of his kids goes here.

ah, that explains it
they asked a bunch of people who said no
so we used his kid to convince him on short notice

Hey, maybe something interesting will happen in the future and we’ll be like “can you believe James Comey gave our commencement speech in 2015?”

Delaware…

How’s Delaware so far?

[redacted]

[so fucking redacted, you can’t even imagine]

/ 

assdasffassd

It’s a Trap!

don’t ruin it with spoilers, ok?
just play it blind
you like visual novels so I think you’ll enjoy it a ton

What’s the name?

Doki Doki Literature Club

And it’s free?

yup!

Alright I’ll get it this weekend.

…
…
…
…
…

You bitch.

right?!

That is the darkest video game I’ve ever played.

RIGHT?!

I don’t even know how to react. It’s a masterpiece and wildly disturbing. I’ve never played a horror game that made me feel so powerless.

RIGHT!!!!!

What did you think?

it got too creepy so I stopped an hour or two after the game reboots

Seriously? You never finished it?!

it was scary

You act spooky all the time!

just because I like spooking people doesn’t mean I enjoy being scared!

Fair point.

Cornflower blue by any other name is actually a purple

*sniffling*

Hey! What happened? Why are you sad?

when you went to get the drinks
some guy came over and…
he called me a “disgusting tranny”
and said other stuff I really don’t want to repeat

Who!? Is he still here?

don’t
just come hug me, ok?
I need comfort right now, not revenge

Whatever you need, I’m here for you.

…
…

I feel a lot better
thank you
..
now I want revenge

I knew it!!!

Tall guy, like 6’2, brown hair, stupid haircut, medium build, navy suit, white shirt, cornflower blue tie

*scans room*

I see him, I think.

Wait, what is cornflower blue?

ugh learn your colors
it’s a mid-dark blue, bordering on violet

Stupid haircut also seems like a strange description.

did you think his haircut was stupid looking?

I did.

sounds like the description was accurate 😝 

So what should we do to this guy?

two of his buddies have checked me out
let’s go over, insult him and tell his friends what he said
see where that goes

And if they back him?

🤔
knee to the balls, fist to the throat, call for the bouncer?
put your MMA skills to use
it’s four guys vs. a woman and her male friend
they’ll get bounced, we’ll get comped!

Love it. Let’s do it.

This has no basis in reality

You signed the offer letter?

yes!!! I start in late June
I can’t believe these jackasses thought I wouldn’t leave

I know lol. After all the money you made them on the intentional fraud stuff, you’d think they’d appreciate it.

It’s [that equity asshole] blocking my transfer because I helped push out [that junior asshole].
I’m certain of it.

Well, now you’re at a much better shop making 60k more.

and one of their direct rivals
is funny

Let it go, Mia. It’s done.

I know, I know, I know
..
I’m so excited we’ll be at the same firm!

Me too. Anything to make it more bearable.

I promise it will be

This has zero basis in reality.

thanks for helping me setup the apartment!
I have no arm strength anymore so this was a huge help

You seriously have straight up noodle arms now.

but a rocking butt and beautiful legs!
look at these calves!
it was a good trade

I can’t disagree with your self-assessment.

ooooh
somebody’s been sneaking peeks

Shut up. You wear the tightest jeans and shorts of any girl I know. How could I not look when you love flaunting it?

agreed! the goal is to be looked at!
I like watching men struggle with their attraction to me

You’re beauty obsessed.

so?

You weren’t before?

so?
you know I grew up in a household that was… against beauty? pro austerity?
it was something I was dying to let out but never could

Sounds like a lot of work. Didn’t you say at least an hour of your day is spent on beauty?

yeah, but you act like it’s boring
it’s fun, and soothing, and calming
I love my morning regime

Sneaky spy gurl

how are things going with her?

Pretty good. If I agreed to be exclusive, she must be pretty special.

I figured
you haven’t had a girlfriend in the 6 years I’ve known you dude
why is she different?

[uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh add to this]

if you don’t make a move soon, he’ll be out of reach forever

I know that

just checking

[pending]

[pending] 

I know I need to re-write the next scene, but it's the first one I wrote and I don't wanna.  
Sorry

he’s walking towards you.

The conference room

what!! why now?! shit is my hair ok? just push it back on the left. I think my makeup was fine earlier. omg what about my teeth! just run your tongue over them. Ok, we’re good. OMG pay attention and smile NOW! 

Hey Mia, how’s your day going?

It’s been great! My back has been killing me though.
*stretches and thereby thrusts boobs forward*

that might’ve been over aggressive… 

how is yours going?

Honestly?

of course!

Really terrible.

oh… let’s go to an empty conference room and talk about it?
if you want to

I do.
..
Thank you.

anything for you, dude

I hope they're breaking up!!!

…
…
…

I just feel overwhelmed here. Everything looks effortless for you.

How do you do that? How can you smile all the time?

I’m pretending
I don’t know if I have a better grip on everything going on
but I fake it a lot better than you

How? How can you smile and act so at ease?

because women are used to men watching us all the time
fortunately for me, I enjoy being watched
so I put on a little show and hope they'll give me what I want

Seriously?

that’s how it is

… I’m sorry that that’s how things are.

you’re not exempt either, dude

Yeah, but I don’t have to make nearly as many compromises.

you’re underestimating the number of compromises you’re making

[missing dialogue]

[missing dialogue]

[missing dialogue]

[missing dialogue]

Thank you. For talking.

you’re my best friend!
I care about you and want to see you happy

I don’t 

this is the start of the longest continuous scene by far

The wake up call

[how do I bridge here?]

maybe something like “if we hadn’t been friends for years, blah blah blah” and then she’s like “it’s because you met me when I was a guy and it’s hard to shake out of your head” and then he’s like “I’m sorry. You are really beautiful, you know that?” and kind of does a little lean in towards her, and she’s like “you are too” and strokes top of his hand with her fingers, and leans in too, and he’s maybe like “is this something you want?” and she’s like “yeah, you never noticed?” and he’s like—

Woke

Ohhhh. I’m so oblivious….

you are. but in a cute way

Do you still want to explore it?

DUH!!! I’ll close the curtains
this meeting room has the best noise cancelling

WOH I was talking about like, making out a bit, probably feel each other up.
Jeez Mia, always so aggressive…

But if that’s what you want…

😈 I want

[missing dialogue]

what’s the worst that could happen? they fire you?
you hate it here

Can you be quiet?

I can definitely try to be quiet

(whispers to self) …this is so hot… shirt…

Let’s do it.

…

…

…

That was incredible Mia. I can’t believe this finally happened…

you wanted me, too?
for how long?

Remember that bar on 53rd and Madison we went to last November?

yeah!?

You leaned over me to grab a napkin and… is it weird to say there was something about how you smelled?

OMG NO!
that’s exactly it for me too
I smelled you and suddenly I was on fire

When?

2L

Awww you’ve had a crush on me for sooooo long.

omg stfu

*smiles*
*smile fades*

I just cheated on [redacted].

you did…
how are you feeling?

Not as bad as I thought I would?

heard that before

What?

don’t worry about it
But you two are already having problems?
Isn’t this just, icing on the cake?

I don’t know what’s going to happen. But I still feel wrong about cheating.

Will this bother [blank]?

I really doubt it
she’s always known about my crush on you

So you’re admitting you had a crush on me!

I swear to god I’ll gonna punch you in a second

Mia and me, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n—- *OOF*

I warned you!!!

… first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Mia with…

don’t say the next part

…a…
Oh. I’m sorry babe.

*sniffles* 
it’s ok, that was a good bit until the end

at least he called me babe…

Come here.

[cuddling intensifies]
…
…
…

we should leave the conference room at some point

Holy shit. Wait, why has no one has shown up?

I booked the room for two hours when we came in and closed the blinds…
it was more fun if you thought someone could come in

Wow. You’re diabolical.
..
How long do we have left?

😈

😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

Boobies

When is she getting back?

I asked her to stay out till 10
I’ll text her if we need more time
..
🥺

😈

You wanna smoke and watch [redacted] first?

whatever you want babe!

…
…
…

gentle!! you’re hitting my breast buds
stay on top of the nipple or squeeze from the base
nothing in between

Sorry! I didn’t know it would hurt!
[fondling resumes]

*quiet cooing noises*

..
..
..
Wait, what are breast buds?

.. what???
[fondling intensifies]
*ooooh (breathily)*
jackass
..
promise not to stop?

Promise.

ok so when women undergo puberty
*mmhmmm that’s niceeee*
they grow breasts, right?

You lost me.

screw you dude
..
wait, why did you stop?

You’re being a little hostile…

omg seriously!?

Apologize please

(sarcastic) omg I’m so sorry, please forgive me
now will you pl—

*muffled laughter followed by moans*

Thank you for apologizing.
…
…
…
…
…

uh.hh.h.h…hhhhuaaa-oooo?

You’re welcome!

The nose goes where it goes, ya knows?

I have a question babe

Yes??

what’s sex with her like?

Uh… I don’t… why are you asking?

I’m curious

Umm. It’s definitely more vanilla.

yeah but I’m an unfair comparison point 😂

Very true.

She doesn’t enjoy sex as much as you. Maybe it’s me, but I think she just enjoys it less. She’s more assertive than you. Usually.

yeah, I’m a cowgirl most of the time
more?

Ummm. You do stuff because I want to do it and you don’t mind doing it. If she doesn’t actively want to do something, then we don’t do it, even if I ask.

why?

You’re comfortable with basically all sex stuff. You know what you like, don’t like and don’t mind doing. She has done far less, and feels uncomfortable even trying, I think.

why?
are you sure you’re making her feel safe to experiment?

my sweet little fox girl

did you bring what I asked

yes goddess

kneel
I’m going to collar you

yes goddess
thank you goddess

you’re a good little fox girl, aren’t you?

yes!  I'm a good fox 😻

you’re a dirty, slutty fox that needs to be punished
lie down on the bed so I can suffocate you

*exaggerated gasp*
oh god
please have mercy goddess

you do what I say, slut

*involuntary shiver*
yes goddess
*lies down*

you get an extra two minutes for whining
be happy I haven’t grabbed the flogger

I'm sorry 
thank you goddess, for being so kind

*lowers asp onto foxy’s face*
get to work you asp-eating whore
…
tap out if you need to

*muffled noises*

…
…
…
…

You can’t get it to go down, can you? 

I'm sorry goddess...

Time to ice it then.

*gasp* please goddess, give me more time

You have until I get the ice pack, slut.

*whining noise* thank you goddess

…
…

My god, you’re even harder than before! You must really want the ice.

nooo I'm so close please goddess

Hands off now, slut.

*sadly* yes Ma'am

Hands behind your head, now

yes Ma'am

applies ice

[speechless from application]

How long has it been since you came?

*straining* 2 months and two days, goddess

/

/ 

everything I do in real life becomes fuel for this novel lol

four day weekends!

She’s out on the West Coast till Wednesday morning. Do you want to stay over?

are you sure that’s a good idea?
seems risky?

You don’t shed hair, you’re anal retentive about not losing your stuff and we don’t use condoms so there’s no condom in the trash risk. And I’ll be careful.

mmmmmmm
ok!!
you won me over with your logic [emoji]
..
should I bring any toys? [emoji]

Whichever ones you want to.

I want you to tell me what to bring… [emoji?]

That’s a good girl.

*wiggles happily* [emoji]
can’t wait to see you tonight, sir

I know you can’t. I want you to bring…

[dialogue intentionally omitted]

Day 1, Part I

hi!

Come in babe!

I love your place
I’m salivating over the natural light here!

Thanks! I love this place.

you know what else I’m salivating over?

You’re the thirstiest girl in the world.

OMG shut up

No.

Did you bring the toys, slut?

yes sir

Put them in the bedroom, undress and come back.

all the way, sir? [bottom emoji]

Hmmm. Do you want to keep your gaffe on?

yes sir

Then you may leave it on.

Put your collar on, too. You’re wearing it all weekend.

yes sir [puppy emoji]

…

Good girl. Sit down on the couch, then close your eyes

yes sir
..
..
is that a handcuff babe?
I don’t do handcuffs

Trust me.
Ok, now open your eyes.

what… what is this?

It’s the bracelet you were eyeing when we went to that Ethiopian place. We walked past that jewelry store?

I remember…
you bought this for me?

Yeah. I mean, I know you’re not a big gift person. But I walked past again and I dunno, I wanted to buy it for you.

you bought me jewelry?
*tearing up*
you bought this for me?!

Yeah babe, I bought it for you. It looks amazing on you.

no one ever bought me jewelry
no one
*bawling*
you bought me jewelry!!

Hey hey hey!
*sits down and provides cuddles*

I did. I bought you jewelry. I’m glad it made you so happy you’re crying lol.

*sniffling*
shut up now my eyeliner is everywhere

Mia, honey, you look beautiful. Seeing you in nothing but a collar, gaffe and jewelry is an amazing sight.

you’re gonna make me cry again doofus

Cry all you want babe.

…
why did you buy me this?

Because I wanted to make you happy. It’s very adorable.

buzz off
..
but why now?
are you breaking up with me?
did something bad happen?

No!!! I just wanted to give it to you.

you just wanted to give it to me?

I just wanted to give it to you.

…
thank you
It’s beautiful

I’m really happy you like it!

can I take your pants off?

Not yet.

why?

Take a deep breath babe. Don’t rush into sex. Enjoy what you’re feeling right now. Be a good girl and enjoy your euphoria.

*cuddles*
*cries on and off for a bit*
…
can I take your pants off now?

There’s no rush.

I want you now sir

Good girl. 

GOTCHA with the headfake
don't worry, it gets spicier

Day 1, Part II

that was fast!

Mia!? Why would you point that out?! I was pent up!

calm down babe, I’m just teasing [emoji]

Mean teasing.

awwwwwww poor boy

Did you…?

no

I kinda feel guilty.

it was amazing for me

I still don’t get it.

subspace?

Yeah. You seem blissed out but I don’t understand how?

hmmm [thinking emoji]
just thinking of how to articulate it
you know how feisty I can be in real life, obviously

I would say “bull-headedly combative.”

[tongue out emoji]
it’s nice to submit for once
to completely cede control to someone else
and it’s nice to worship someone

Worship?

to make them the sole focus of my attention
to make them feel special
to make them feel like they’re the sexiest person in the world

So part of it is your people pleasing drive, and the second part is a desire to shed your combative attitude IRL and embrace the opposite role. Anything else?

also pain
pain can be euphoric and intoxicating
the endorphins are such a rush

I have never spanked anyone as hard as you. It’s not even close.

well the more muscular your ass is, the less it hurts
and since I’ve got a crazy good ass, it takes more to hurt it

Still.

you said I was blissed out earlier?
that bliss hits better and lasts longer than any orgasm I’ve ever had

But aren’t you frustrated after?

nope! what makes me happy is being played with
the play is fun, the destination is boring
also I just go into the bathroom when you’re asleep and relieve frustrations…

I’m happy you love our playtime babe!

But I don’t remember giving you permission to sneak off after I’m asleep.

ummmm…
no sir… you didn’t

Bend over.

but they’re so red already!

No excuses slut. Now bend over.

mmmm
yes sir!

Day 1, Part III

Take off the collar.

yes sir

Drop the sirs too. I just want to be with you this time.

awww
I like that

..
I love you, Mia.

you love me?!

I love you. You’re my best friend, the hottest woman I’ve ever met and I just… I love you.

awwww
that’s cute

[awkward silence]
[awkward silence]

I thought you would say it back. It’s ok, you don’t have to.

*giggling*
just messing with you
I love you too cutie pie

You’re the worst!

nuh-uh! I’m the best girl.

You’re the best girl for me.

kiss me?

why hasn’t he left her?

Day 2, Part I

[singing] good morning, good morning, it’s greattt to stay up late…
hey babe, wake up!
breakfast is ready!

WHAT?! what?
*clears eyes*
oh ok!
Let me put my shorts on.

you’re so jumpy when you wake up
is that trauma related?

What? No. What?!

just asking

Ok…
So what did you make for breakfast?

omelets with chorizo, black olives, red, orange and yellow peppers
oh with sharp white cheddar cheese too
OH! and siracha, salt and pepper

Did I have any of those things in the fridge?

no, I woke up like 3 hours ago so I went to the grocery store
don’t worry, I’ll take it all with me when I leave on

You’re ridiculous.

you know I can’t sleep past 6:30
and you seemed very tired last night [emoji]

I mean, you could have bought some bagel sandwiches from the corner?

I wanted to cook you breakfast?

Why?

um... I wanted to?

But why?

… eat your damn breakfast mr. detective

…

…

…

That was fantastic babe.

thank you! I think I added the cheese too early, but I was mostly happy!

So why did you want to make me breakfast?

ughhhh again with the questions
I dunno…
you made me very happy yesterday and I wanted to give you something?

You gave me three somethings yesterday. I think you paid in kind, in full.

I’m kind of domestic for people I love, ok?
don’t read too much into it
and before you ask, I’m not cleaning your bathroom, period end stop

[laughing emoji]

Day 2, Part II

What you working on?

just writing some fun stuff
why?
*ooof*

[silently grabs O-ring on her collar]
[drags her to the bedroom]
[tosses her onto bed face down]

[muffled] *unnhh*
[muffled] was I a bad girl, sir?

[silently walks around bed]
[ties leash to bed post]
[attaches leash to collar]

sir?

Be quiet.

*moans*

I said be quiet.

..
*very soft muffled moan*

..
..
It’s actually kind of nice when you shut up.

[muffled] f—k you!

*THWACK*

unnhnhhhhhoooouhhhh!!!

I warned you, slut.

…
…

…
…

…
…

PINEAPPLE!!!

Aww babe, I’m sorry. Did I push you too far? Come here!

*cuddles*

no no no, I wanted to push further
it just got so intense!!!
*tearing up*

I’m here babe. You’re such a strong girl.

*light crying*
[quietly to self] I’m a strong girl

And a good girl, too.

[quietly to self] I’m a good girl

You’re the best girl!

[less quietly to self] I’m the best girl!
*crying ends*

Feeling any better?

I am… thanks babe
can we lie here for a bit?

As long as you want. 

I'm living out my fantasies on a weekly basis (B comes over on Wednesday afternoons)
...
are you?
seems lazy to me
have you even tried, like really tried?

Marketing

Day 3, Part I

I have a question.

ok?

Is yours bigger?

is mine bigger??
oh…
..
if it’s at full mast?
maybe a little
does that bother you?

Maybe a little?

why?

Makes me feel less masculine?

so your value as a man is tied to your penis size?

Maybe a little? When you say it like that, it sounds ridiculous.

I’m just saying it in a direct way
if it sounds ridiculous, it is ridiculous
has your other girlfriend been with bigger dudes?
does that make you paranoid she’s had better sex with someone else?
maybe a big black dude?

Jesus Mia, what the fork.

I just described the plot to like, a huge amount of porn

Caring about this is like, definitional toxic masculinity isn’t it?

for sure is
penis size envy is textbook

Does it not matter to women?

i can’t speak on behalf of cis women
I definitely think men significantly overestimate the importance
but…

But?

it’s an immutable characteristic
why love or hate yourself for it? you can’t control genetics
just make your partner happy in bed and they’ll be happy
don’t matter which way you do it

So be outcome based?

yeah!
look, I love my hair, my legs, my butt and my eyes
but I don’t think my face is attractive at rest
it bothers me, a lot
that’s one of the reasons I try to be animated

So basically, adapt to what you have.

yeah

Am I good in bed?

Pretty good!
can I give you a few notes though?

Sure?

ok so first, when you’re pulling my hair, pull harder; you know my hair is invincible
ok so second…
[dialogue omitted]
[dialogue omitted]
[dialogue omitted]
[dialogue omitted]
[dialogue omitted]
[dialogue omitted]
[dialogue omitted]
[dialogue omitted]

Jesus you’re such a perfectionist.

do you have any notes for me?

Uhhh… hmm… no?

sounds like I’m perfect and you’re playing catch up

Shut up Mia.

:P

Day 3, Part II

Sit down.

yes sir

What should I do to you?

anything sir
anything you want

What if I want to choke you?

then I want you to choke me

What if I want to tease you?

then I want you to tease me

You’ll want whatever I want?

yes sir
whatever you want, I want

I want to take a nap.

then I want to… wait what???

I said I want to take a nap.

then I want to take a nap with you sir

Come over here.
*gestures toward that comfy spot between a man’s chest and shoulders*

tease

Are you going to be patient?

yes sir

You’re a good girl.

awww
yes sir!

Day 3, Part III

WAKE UP!!!!!

WHAT?! what?
*clears eyes*
Is everything ok?

yeah, I just really wanted you to wake up because it’s 7 and I’m hungry

Make yourself something?

you promised to take me to that Turkish place tonight!

I did?

yes, you did

he didn’t

I thought I said I wasn’t sure if I had the energy to go out?

maybe…
but you have the energy to go out!
you just took a nap

I’m still tired.

you’re going to try to rut me for hours again tonight, you can take me out to dinner first

But Miaaaaaaa

ok then no sexy times tonight. too tired for a date, too tired for this booty

But Miaaaa

no excuses mister!

Can I nap for five more minutes?

no
*pokes His cheek*
time to wake up
*pokes Him again*

FINEEEEEEEE
*slowly gets out of bed*

you have a cute butt

I do?

you do

You sound like you’ve never noticed before?

mmmm
I’m feeling toppy right now
maybe we could explore that tonight?

Oh. Hmm. Uhhhh…

you can say no!

Let’s talk about it more when we get back?

…
….
…

But what if I like it too much?

what does that mean? too much?

… what if it makes me gay?

one second
..
I’m trying not to snap at you
..
do you think of me as a girl?

Yes, absolutely.

then how could my penis make you gay?

… I’m sorry. I didn’t think about what I was saying.

anal play and gender preferences are different things
if your other girlfriend used a strap-on on you
would it be meaningfully different?

… No. It wouldn’t.

have you ever looked at a man and thought “god I want him”?

No.

then you probably aren’t into men
and me topping you won’t change that

Sorry Mia.

you’re still a good boy [emoji-davil]

I am, am I? How good? [emoji]

good enough that I’m going to make you my bitch tonight

Oh really? You think you can collar me?

I know I can [emoji]

…
…
…

good boy!

[faintly] Woof… woof….

Day 4, Part I

*mmmmm*

God I needed that sleep… My cock feels warm? Am I peeing? OMG am I peeing on Mia?!

Oh! Ohhhh…. mmmmm

*lifts comforter*

Good morning.

[muffled] good morning!
[muffled] I was bored and I wanted to wake you up
*pop*
I figured I’d wake you up a nicer way today

You really can’t sleep in at all?

correct

Well thank you for the wonderful alarm bell babe.

you’re welcome!
but the alarm hasn’t gone off yet…

I mean…. far be it from me to deny you what you want

….
….
*pop*
[muffled] yummy

come on it's hilarious I used *pop* in two completely different and highly sexual ways in a single scene.  that's forking inspired imo.

look, this is my personal writing.  I try to do weird little things for fun.  Did you know that while clerking, I wrote an opinion that used a venn diagram?  Oh, I got a Westworld quote into a pleading once, that was funny.  

I'm just having fun with it y'all.  Weird, self-set goals are awesome.

Day 4, Part II

when does she get back?

In a few hours. You should probably leave soon or your perfume will linger.

did you ask ChatGPT for tips on how to cheat on your partner?

uh… yeah, I did. Wow. That was a good snipe, ngl.

I wanna talk about something first, ok?

Sure. What’s on your mind babe?

why are you still with her?
you said you love me and I’m the best girl for you

You won’t be exclusive with me, right?

you’re not exclusive with her

Ok, that’s a fair snipe, too. But your partner is neither romantically or sexually interested in men, right? How could a triad even work?

it wouldn’t be a triad
I would be in a dyad with you, and a dyad with her

And we’d all live together?

yeah

Whose bed would you sleep in?

wherever I want
maybe one of the beds is a California King for all three of us!

This sounds so… strange, to be honest.

cheating on your girlfriend may be normal, but it’s still unethical

Jesus, Mia. That was cutting.

just making a point hon

I don’t know what to say.

I want you to be honest about this
it’s not just “how would it work with me”?
there’s clearly something you aren’t telling me

I…

I want children. Genetic children.

I don’t… I mean, egg donors exist babe
I don’t understand
I know we can’t have genetic children together but why does it have to be together?
I would still be their mom, regardless

Don’t you want your own genetic children? You saved sperm.

I don’t know anymore

Do you even want to be a mother?

I don’t know
but I would want to be the mom of your kids

And I don’t want to share you.

you already do!

But I also don’t want to. I don’t share her with anyone.

I mean, as far as you know
she’s wily, could probably hide it well
for all you know, she’s also dating me

Wait, is she?!

no! just making a point
I would never conceal something like that from you

Mia, I love you but this is difficult. And we don’t have the time to talk about it now.

I love you too
..
promise we will talk about this again soon?

I promise, very soon.

Not adios

She got a job in SF, so we’re moving. Management already signed off on me transferring.

when?

Three weeks.

what does that mean for us…?
🥺

[missing dialogue] 

Never write pluuuperfect meta-commentary

Long distance relationships

I’ve got the app set up and linked. All ready to go.

How’s it going over there babe?

uhhh… almost in
… oooh…
*panting*
hoo-ooooo-unhhhh 
phew
ok, it’s in
….
are you ther——
waaahhhttttttheeeeefucccccc!???!

Gotcha!

turrnnnnnitttdownnnnnowww!!

I’m think I’m going to leave it on for a minute or two.

Pineapple to stop?

*tentative grunt*
..
..
..
..
..
..
goooohighherrrr!

Dirty little slut.

oooohhhhyessssss

……..
……..

when are you going to be in town next?

I think in a few weeks.

do you want to stay here?

I do. 

[]

[pending]

Big News!

Hey!

hey babe! what’s up?

I have really big news! I’m having a baby!

..
congratulations…! that’s really exciting…!

She’s due in July!

that’s great. how is [XXXXDX] feeling?

Really excited too!

hey I gotta run
I’m happy for you
talk to you soon babe

ok—

…

I’m a fucking idiot

2 weeks later

[text] I’m not feeling comfortable with this anymore
[text] I think we should take a break
[text] you should focus on your family

[text] why does this change things? you knew we were trying.

[text] because it does
[text] I don’t owe you an explanation

[text] no talking at all? no gaming? nothing?
[text] I love you
[text] I don’t understand

[no dialogue]

2 years later

Hi Mia.

you seriously came here?
what the fuck dude?
did I indicate this was, in any way, welcome?

No. I know this is intrusive but…

what? make it quick, I have a student in ten minutes

I miss you.

I missed you too
that doesn’t change shit, ok?
I started to hate myself for not being your wife
you can’t fix that

I’m going to leave her.

…
what are you talking about? why?

We aren’t happy. It doesn’t work. After you left, I tried to throw myself into her, into our daughter. Into my family.

But we’re bad partners. Not just my cheating, ok? We aren’t in sync. We don’t laugh together, or cry together, or even get angry together. We aren’t a team.

And I want more than that. I think she does too.

it’s been almost two years
why would you think I want this anymore?

my partner is my partner
and I told you she’s part of the package
you’re willing to concede on that?

Yes.

and your daughter?
you’re going to move back here?
she’s going to visit you when?

Maybe. You always talked about moving back to LA, or to Seattle. I was hoping to convince you two to move to the West Coast?

seriously? you think we’d drop our lives here just like that?
I don’t like the idea of being a step-mother either
if you wanted her to be my child, she would have been

Please just think about it.

I miss you. I miss you every fucking day. Every time I open Steam, or Discord, I think about you. Every time I think about law school, I think about you. You were so… universal in my life.

And I didn’t think about what you wanted. Maybe at some point the roleplay seeped into my day to day actions. I stopped thinking about how I was hurting you. And I assumed you would never leave me.

I’m sorry, Mia.

my student is in 5
I will consider all of this

Good girl.

*gasp/moan*
..
you’re unbelievable
leave
now

Sorry.

that wasn’t cute, at all
leave
I’ll reach out if I want to speak
don’t ever show up at my door like this again

two months later

You called!

I did

It’s nice to hear your voice again.

so look, I’m not doing to “compare and trade up” thing
if you leaving your wife is contingent on me taking you back
then that’s all you’re doing

Ok?

you can call me after you’ve ended things with her
if she’s not right for you, then leave because it’s not right
don’t leave because you think I’ll take you back
I’m making no promises
got it?
a necessary but not sufficient condition

I understand.

..
I missed hearing your voice, too
call me when you’re ready

I will. I miss you.

bye

the war that wasn’t [REVISE]

hey Mia

hey
I was wondering when you would call

Yeah, he confessed everything. Talked a lot about his feelings for you.

I haven’t even said I would take him back
why did he talk about me so much?
I made it clear to him that he can’t just trade women

how are you doing?

I’m not sure. I knew things had been falling apart the past year. It was better, before we had Liana. Crazy to find out that things started falling apart as soon as you left him.

That’s weird, right? When he had you, he was a good partner to me. When you left him, the relationship started souring.

I think he blamed me.

that’s awful and unfair
he was the one who hid me from you

Why did you leave him? He didn’t explain.

he told me you were pregnant, and I hit the eject button
..
and I hated he had a baby with you
I still do
even if he and I get back together, I don’t know how I could stand seeing Liana
..
what are you going to do?

How do we deal with this?

ikr
he doesn’t even see it
and now there’s this man I used to love, maybe still love
showing up at my damn doorstep uninvited
I was ready and willing to never see him again
and now… I’m back into this chaos I wanted to avoid

how long have you two been f——uking?1

..
..
I don’t know what to say

just tell me how long

six years

before I met him?

about five months after

why?
..
Why did he marry me, if he’s been with you this whole time?

I don’t know
I don’t understand how he justifies it to himself
when we talk about it, I don’t understand it
….
you know I’m non-monogamous
I can’t get everything I need from one person
he’s the same way
he’s just unwilling to be honest about it
..
..
..
and genetic legacy
I can’t give him children
you did

so he married me over you because he wanted someone to breed?

in part?
it’s as demeaning to you as it is painful to me, ok?
knowing that there was no way he would have chosen me

has there been anyone else?

I don’t think so
[missing dialogue]

[missing dialogue]

he said he considered himself married to both of us

jesus, did that line work?

he’s the only man I’ve ever loved…
so yes

…
[missing dialogue]
…

How do you justify this? to yourself?

he’s your husband and swore to be faithful
he’s cheating on his wife
I’m cheating on no one
and we aren’t friends
I’m just being with the man I love

Is that why you’ve always been distant with me? I tried to be friends and you always gave me the cold shoulder.

that’s exactly it tbh
if we were friends, it would be unethical to sleep with him

If I ask you to stop, will you?

no
he’s mine
he’s been in my life longer
he’s just as much my husband as he is yours
..
I’m sorry

he’s probably had sex with you more than with me.

definitely has

F-ck. You.

sorry

…
[missing dialogue]
…
put yourself in my shoes. What do I do now?

I don’t know
I think you take him back, right?
your daughter’s like 5 months old, right?
I mean… he’s going to be a good dad
regardless of whether he’s a good husband
we can both see that

I can’t trust him. He’s not my partner now. He’d just be a co-parent.

… why do you love him?
You talk about his awfulness with such… detachment

he was the first person I told I was trans
he listens to me, even though I’m a blabbermouth
I feel safe and warm around him
I can’t imagine loving another man the way I love him
…
Is he weak in some ways? yes
but…
I don’t need him to be strong

…
[missing dialogue]
…

What the hell should I do then?! You know everything, you tell me!

I think you’ve been suspicious for a really long time
but avoided doing anything to confirm it

*Sigh* 
But what do I do?

kick him to a hotel, but let him come over for dinner with the kids in like 5 days
let him cool his heels for two or three weeks at a hotel
require he cancel all trips to NYC for the foreseeable future

Jesus, how much have you thought about this?

even though I don’t believe I was unethical
I still feel for you and the situation you’re in

I hate you.

I deserve it

but I would like to talk to you about Him again.

ummm…
why?

because you’re being honest.
.…
and it’s clear you know him better than I do.

…
ok
…
can I ask a question?

ok

how did you find out?

you just told me.

cunning
I’ve always been able to see why he fell in love with you
as much as I hated watching it happen
….
I’m sorry for the pain you’re going through
and the decisions you’re facing

… thank you for being honest

it would be unethical to lie
I warned him I would tell the truth if you ever asked

I have no clue if this is realistic
how could I?  
But it's what feels real to me

[pending]

[pending]

[pending]

[pending]

will this really make you happy?

?

every time His children visit, you’ll be in pain

stop it

you should have been their birth mother

please stop

you’ve avoided them their whole lives
the mythical aunt they never see

I know I have
stop telling me things I know

stop running from reality
you will hate being their step-mom
you’ll hate every moment they’re here
they’re living testaments to why he chose her

….
…
.. 

like I said, I wanted this to be a meaningful story.  one where the main character thinks long and hard about the life that she wants and need.

And whether she can heal an unhealable wound.

ALTERNATIVE PATH

What are you thinking?

I’m feeling rage
I’m thinking I should cut your equipment off

Come on, you were seeing other people too.

BUT I TOLD YOU ASSHOLE
I DIDN’T HIDE POTENTIAL STI RISKS

Jesus, calm down.

excuse me?
calm down?
the man I thought I loved just admitted he hid multiple partners from me
what the F— were you thinking?

… Loved?

Loading...

Character Bibles (in progress)

Mia (such a low effort replacement name) (🥺). Stand in for bottom transwomen, femboys and cis women (the audience of this novella). That emoji is “pleading eyes”, and often called the “bottom emoji”. You can put the rest together yourself.

  • bottom vibes for Him.

  • Toppy with others.

  • blushes easily

  • There’s like, a little bit of nee-chan vibes, but not in like, a concerning way

  • (like me) strategic, cunning and able to imagine other people’s positions

  • (like me) someone who hates conflict

  • (like me) has a self-defined ethical system and religiously follows it

  • Noticeable personality progression post transition

    • passive, lack of confidence pre-transition. opposite post-transition

    • becomes more emotionally vulnerable and capable of deep connection

    • less defensive, more vulnerable

    • but also less… self-protective? More prone to see the best in everything, and maybe that leads her to be overly relaxed?

  • Hates being in group situations

  • Comes to hate corporate environments and the awful, unethical behavior they hide and conceal from public view

Him: the unnamed Deuteragonist. To some degree, the only other character.

  • Domineering but respectful

  • super straight-edge, other than weed

  • very active lifestyle (exercise, trying new things, meeting new people)

  • Confident, but willing to be led by her outside the bedroom

to be added:

“and then he unloaded on my face like a cat-boy fireman unloads on a sexy Dalmatian”

(use this for advertising, it’s so zoomer comedy)

Scene where she tricks him into play doki doki

asdasfsffw