The Measure of a Man [2020 MANIA Original]

My Thoughts on Manhood, Sexual Identity and Gender Identity in the #modernnetworkedworld.

What defines a man?

Do you even hear Korean? Do you know what #heisoffering? A #partnerwhoasks? A #partnerwhoquestions? A #partnerseeking a #lifefreefromguilt?

A #motherfathergentleman?

This is a question I’ve genuinely struggled to answer my whole life. Again, that’s because there is no “answer”.

Life is complex. Gender is complex. Social Norms are complex. And I am a complex individual.

I am undoubtedly a “MAN”. I am also bisexual and accept that part of my identity.1 And I no longer see those two things as being in conflict.

HOWEVER, gender is a social construct: a mask we wear in a play. Let everyone write their own damn plays already.

Decades ago, #societalnorms shifted overnight as a result of a #societalnudge, and women entered the workforce. Unsurprisingly, #cisgenderedwomen proved equally capable as #cisgenderedmen in like, 99.999% of fields.

But in 2020, #malenurses and #maleteachers are still looked down on, and #powerfulwomen are still treated with #suspicionanddistaste. Don’t even contest those: both are facts conclusively established by oodles of behavioral research and how #thePOTUSthatshouldhavebeen was treated.

Why is #civilsociety still stuck in a #binaryworld? Kinsey demonstrated decades ago that cis-sexuality was at least a linear scale (1-6) on which we constantly transition throughout our life. Subsequent research has shown that to be a MASSIVE oversimplification (but easy to understand and a good starting point for teaching).

Is it that hard to accept that gender, like sexuality, might not be a “fixed point”? That it might be a linear scale? Or a word cloud? Or whatever the hell any particular #complexindividual defines it as?

Why do #complexstories bother you so? Why can’t someone be #genderfluid or #genderquestioning or #transgender without YOU making it a problem?

live and let live. and let people experiment.

#igotitfrommydaddy

I will say: it’s amazing how much #boyslearnfromtheirdaddies

  • A boy who #hearsthevoice of #hisfather as a young child worships him.

  • An adolescent who #worshipshisfather as an adolescent #becomeshim but fails to #surpasshim.

  • An adolescent who recognizes #hisfather #isflawed and #seekstoeclipsehim will become #theadult.

That’s allegorical on a whole number of levels… Lots to expand on here.

Let’s start with the observation that #boomers worship their parents’ generation (i.e., the “Greatest Generation”). But that generation, the WWII generation, is worshipped precisely because they rose to the occasion collectively and saved the world. The #boomers worship them but fail to see that collectivism, the willingness to sacrifice for the greater good, is precisely why we worship the Greatest Generation.

#thedaythemusicdied

#awaken #boomers. #awaken #generationY. #awaken #generationX.

this is a #bravenewworld. you #letthemusicdie. you #lostthetune.

It took us generations to #findthemusic again.

But we did, and now we are dancing to #theinfinitegroove.

But the #boomers’ #idolworshipping sapped them of their desire to improve. From the #boomer point of view, so long as they behave like their parents, they are “doing the right thing.”

What the #boomers missed is that the #greatestgenerationofmen was still #flawed, and that our #understandingofethics advances over time, just like #technology. The #greatestgenerationofmen was not perfect.

So why are you forcing the #ethicsofyourfather on the #modernnetworkedworld? You are #evilthroughapathy and #evilthroughhypocrisy and #evilthroughidolworship and #evilthroughsloth.

can music still save your mortal soul? Or are you too in love with him?

and we nearly had to say goodbye to that American Pie.

You once laughed and cried and danced. You once felt joy and sorrow. You once found the #beautifulbright.

It’s not too late to come back.

trust us, #cannabis has gotten a lot more fun.