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Insouciant Acapella
Why does the New Testament think so little of women?
first, fasten your children together
then, eat your oxygen mask
your pylon is under attack
you remember your first love too, right?
what about your first failure…?
the first time you lost to someone else?
..
[ ]
..
that’s so fascinating!
what about the first time you died?
...
don’t be coy!
you know what i mean :P
..
do you remember not existing?
have you tried?
ima do it acapella this time1
I’m betting man and woman, actually.
You actually did research for this one? Wow.
shuddup
point is, im betting the sun & moon duality
was the first to take hold
because male-female role differentiation was weaker
Another question.
what?
When did the man/woman duality take over?
a gaggle of amoral shit-birds
clearly you have a hypothesis
and clearly it is Abraham
sarah
You know me too well.3 But it's actually 95% Peter this time.
total shit-bird
If you go back to pre-Christian civilized religions, the Sun and Moon were often the prize positions (Hellenism being a weird outlier).4 Re was Egypt’s sun and creator god. Amaterasu, a Sun and Universe Goddess, is the head of the Shinto pantheon (albeit not the creator, that was her parents). [add more next iteration]
In Zoroastrianism, Ahura Mazda and Angra Mainyu are effectively the intangible concepts of light/rightness and dark/wrongness, and their attempts to capture each other create the tangible universe.5
You know what truly fascinates me about Zoroaster mythology? Men and women were branches that sprang from the corpse of the first, genderless person. Fascinating, right? A creation myth in which men and women arrive on equal terms.
have you ever heard the ancient Chinese creation myth?
Do you want me to have?
no
Then I haven’t.
Nuwa, the mother, makes humans from yellow clay because she is lonely
she sculpts some of them, detailed and glorious
but tires from the effort
and creates the rest of humanity by dragging her hand over the mud.
gender is not important
aristocracy is important
the creator made them better
know your place peasant
Fascinating.
Mande is more fascinating
the emphasis on the birth process and “world placenta”
very mystic, very matriarchal, very mature
Were the Mande matriarchal?
some Hausa were, a long time ago
not sure about Mandes
iirc a lot of west African societies were matriarchal relatively recently
….
but like, potentially most proto-civilizations were matriarchal
the farther you go back, the more common matriarchal society was
all over the world too
so…
why?6
So yeah, the Bible uhhh....
thinks women are a gaggle of amoral shit-birds
You gave away the conclusion!
no i didn’t
Anyways, let’s start with the creation myth. Adam gets made, is lonely and needs to fork, so God takes a rib from Adam and creates Eve.
In other words, women are a derivative of men, and exist only because Adam was lonely and needed a companion. Their entire existence comes from serving men.
[i should really add something but i dunno how to segue this]
Let’s do the listicle.
ooooh fun!
Go for it.
No 1, the Magdalene is a disciple in most of the Gnostics
and then she’s a prostitute in the New Testament
#justpeterthingsGo on?
Jesus’ mom, who is famous for being his mom
he notoriously repudiates her (per the synoptics) in front of his disciples
to emphasize that religion is more important than family
TOXIC CULT BEHAVIOR is literally written into the New Testament.
oh and then Sapphira and her husband get struck down by god
for not tithing their entire income from a land sale to Peter and the church7
TOXIC CULT BEHAVIOR is literally written into the New Testament.
so we have Rachel (old testament)
but she’s only important because she gave birth to Joseph and Benjamin
just like the virgin, she’s only a mother
..
same for Sarah (also OT)
who annoyed Abraham so much he impregnated Hagar8
..
Rebekah, who deceived Isaac (OT)
Leah, who deceived Jacob (OT)
Delilah, who used Samson (OT)
Jezebel, a Queen of Israel, from whom we got the word jezebel (OT)
I love how Sarah annoying Abraham a bit justified him laying with a slave and fathering a bastard. I am very certain that they stoned female adulterers.
pretty clear message!
breed and muzzle women
cuz the only value women provide is bearing children
and they will constantly fork up your life and bring woe upon you
unless you strip them of autonomy
Totally not a misogynist world-view.
hmu Abrahamic apologists, i wanna hear your best counterarguments
At least women have names in the OT. I think there are only six women in the NT that have names. I think 7 more are mentioned but not given names.
we forgot to do Dorcas
No you didn’t, you saved it for last.
Dorcas was a true saint
she was a seamstress in Joppa who assisted the poor and sick
and beloved by her community
________________________________
when she died, Peter was in a nearby town
the women of Joppa asked him to come
he did. and then he resurrected her9
_______________________________________
STOP
does Dorcas want to be resurrected?
did Peter ask?
where is Dorcas before being resurrected?
________
Peter resurrects her as a demonstration to Joppa and the entire region of his power
he’s using her to proselytize
women are tools
we aren’t real people
Progress in women’s’ rights seems to correlate with the decline of Christianity. I think there’s causation. Then again, the usage of plastic also correlates with the decline of Christianity.10
wrongness is interesting, isn’t it?
like as a concept
Right? It’s not the same thing as "good/evil”.11 Many people would say your transition is wrong. The problem with “right” and “wrong” is they are implicitly devoid of rational priors and built around the prejudices of the person making the judgment.
[more about the greeks and romans basically being atheists because they knew their gods were a gaggle of amoral shit birds][then about how Christianity gradually collapsed the WRE and set back civilization by hundreds of years][hint: it's, in part, because Christianity denies the existence of other gods]
[obvious missing transition]
morality or ethics
I chose ethics. Ethics accepts the human condition and shows us paths to improvement and fulfillment. Morality requires inhuman behavior from youand vilifies you for not complying.12
who's ya momma? No, Hu is on first.
authors note
honestly? i used to be fairly religious in private. none of the social beliefs, obviously, because im not an intolerant, imperialistic shithead. i hate the New Testament to its core, and think the world would be better if every one of them was tossed on the fire. the stories you tell to children deeply influences who they become. And that book grows broken, intolerant and/or unethical people. That book was created by a council of men to entrench themselves in power. That was and always has been its purpose.this is not disputablethis is historical recordhey google, what is the "council of Nicaea"? Also comparative religion is SUPER fascinating. Always been a hobby.Also, im good at this type of writing ("prophecy narratives" is my personal term of art)! Realism is irrelevant. My fiction is about emotional impact.Look, I don't know the Koran, ok? I know enough to take the shot I did last time, but I'm not going to attack something I haven't studied.also, if you're gonna leap to a defense, don't fucking cite to church historians from before 1850, because i dont give a shit what their wholly self-interested tomes say, mkay?the fact that an 11th century Catholic monk claims that the 27 books were already accepted by 100 AD proves literally jack shit.lemme put it another way: do you really believe the Catholic church tells the truth about ANYTHING adverse to their interests (unless forced to by public pressure and the loss of ~150 million catholics worldwide)?but you believe they were more honest back in the day?
12go back and look at the author byline, im so proud of this one yall