Habits

colors

this caught my interest because nail polish has like infinite color variations

my nails are carnation pink!! (DND DC009)

its strawberry (right-middle of the pinks) + lil orange hue + lil brighter

so anyways, i spend time every day practicing identification

ill grab clothing, books, whatever

hold it up to that chart

and identify the specific color

maybe this seems dumb to some people?

but there’s like, academic literature that your identification ability

affects your actual perceptive ability

i.e. being able to describe gradients of color

improves your ability to see (visually distinguish) the gradients

….

honestly i feel like that’s happening

kinda cool right? training yourself to see & describe the world precisely?

there’s also a lot of research showing output

that women have higher color acuity than men

most researchers assume this is innate

they are wrong

….

see nail polish

i think women are trained to care a lot about color

and men are trained to not care much about color

so women develop a more complex palette

..

so like, this is just my opinion

don’t be salty about it, converse with me if you disagree

..

fashion is creativity (unless you carbon copy a look)

women’s fashion

over the past 100 years or so

has been far more colorful than men’s fashion

men dress to brown or black and throw a little creativity in (some do, sometimes)

women dress to a million things (colors, culture style, personality, etc.)

..

women use makeup

which can subtly (or not so subtly)

change sink hue, blush, etc. etc. etc.

foundation in particular

requires a very close eye for gradients of your skin color

even a small mismatch is extremely noticeable at the edges

i mean, i could list thing after thing

girls are pushed toward creative pursuits far more than boys (and vice versa)

..

..

im bored with this

pooh

my lease in Nashville has 5 addendums

my lease in NYC had 22 addendums

at first you had my attention

now you have my erection

i need to get the taste of air out of my mouth

wonderful

exquisite

a true dining experience1

it is funny

the deeper you dive

the more your life is built on habits you barely notice

is just me?

….

one habit i set out to break

is not taking breaks between rounds of DOTA 2 (PC game)

..

sounds like a small habit, right?

but it is a biggie!!!

if i force myself to close the game & Steam2 completely, stand up and take a ten minute break?

i often go do something else: read, clean, take a walk, watch tv

sometimes i go do something super productive!

..

if i don’t take breaks?

i could play for hours

not healthy to do that consistently

bad for my health, bad for my social life, bad for my inner life

pooh

….

did you know pooh used to be an exclamatory onomatopoeia?

i assume people stopped using it when “poo” became a popular term for poo-poo

that’s just like, my guess tho

pooh

it has been two months

and im still pretty terrible at contemporary dance (i am improving)

but contemporary is built on like, ballet and jazz fundamentals

and like, everyone in the class was a dancer growing up

….

so the class is usually like, 18-25 people

4 long-time regulars, 6 recent regulars like me3

no cis male regulars

so when i started showing up every week

(seemingly) as an overweight cis male with no dancing experience

there was some… incredulity?

….

what surprised me recently

was the respect

not for transitioning4

but for attempting to learn contemporary dance at 33

apparently professional dancers’ careers end at ~35

..

”If you are an absolute beginner at any type of dance, it may take you eight years of very frequent training (at least four times a week, six times ideally) to become a very good contemporary dancer.”

..

we’ll see how good i am at 41, I guess

i missed the first game of the Tennessee Titans (NFL) season

first time in maybe… 19 years?

three dancers from my class and I rented space at the studio

and did an extra 1.5 hour session together

and then i walked my grandpa’s dog

….

literally saw a snippet of the game on a screen at the nursing home

then forgot about it entirely…

i remembered around noon the next day

Titans lost 20-21 and missed the game-winning field goal from 47 yards

pooh

….

crazy to think i had a 19 year streak going

..

my priorities have changed

i did not fully consider what my transition would mean for my friendships

my friends are like, 95% liberal

unsurprisingly, no one said “this weirds me out, friendship over”

….

but like, distancing starts

sometimes its gradual

sometimes they just stop responding altogether

..

no matter how much they support trans rights politically

they really don’t want you to be trans

something something about people cant admit stuff is just for fun

hobbies don’t need to be productive, no need to get defensive

enjoy what you enjoy