Going On, Episode V, iter(1)

a jeremy bearimy tuesday

Primacy

Tell me your first auditory memory

..

..

My father’s voice. He was reading a story to me. I don’t remember how old I was or what he was saying. I just remember the timbre of his voice.

sound like him

Tell me your first visual memory

The sunset. I think I was four. My mom was held up at school, so I was outside tricycling with the preschool teacher watching over me.

I looked up, and I felt awe.

the world is beautiful

Tell me your first episodic memory

..

I’m five. I’m sitting in the waiting room of a psychiatrist office. My parents are in the office talking to the psychiatrist. I can’t hear well, but someone says something like “what’s [REDACTED] with him? Why can’t we [REDACTED] him? How can we [REDACTED] him?”

you are aberrant

You're overloading him. He's going to snap

If you say so

Repetition

Who do you remember most from childhood?

*smiles* My father.

Him singing while waking me up in the morning.

Him coaching my YMCA soccer team.

Playing catch with him.

Playing computer games together in his office.

Beating him in chess for the first time.

Waking up at 5 AM to go fishing with him.

Stealing a candy bar from a gas station, and him tugging me back inside and making me apologize to the shopkeeper.

Him hugging me. The dwindling smell of cigarettes. He never smoked at home, so I didn’t know he was smoker. But that four-hour-old smell of cigarettes made me feel safe. Still does, even though I quit smoking 8 years ago.

be like him

Ask if you think it will help

I’m [redacted]… What else could I be?

Duke is hereYou need to reset and start over