G.O. Ep. 5, Iteration(n-3)

START OVER

a1

hey could you rewind that fifteen seconds?i didn’t understand that part the first time1

b1

Primacy

Tell me your first auditory memory

..

..

My father’s voice. He was reading a story to me. I don’t remember how old I was or what he was saying. I just remember the timbre of his voice.

sound like him

Tell me your first visual memory

The sunset. I think I was four. My mom was held up at school, so I was outside tricycling with the preschool teacher watching over me.

I looked up, and I felt awe.

the world is beautiful

Tell me your first episodic memory

..

I’m five. I’m sitting in the waiting room of a psychiatrist office. My parents are in the office talking to the psychiatrist. I can’t hear well, but someone says something like “what’s [REDACTED] with him? How can we [REDACTED] him?”

you are aberrant

a2

iteration

Because you have writer’s block. And vanity, duh. And you promised me you would finish it.

Maybe you just enjoy it. You’d rather be the stripper than watch the stripper.

You think that would be enough?

So why stop?

IMO? Exploration and iteration.

Do you? You exist because I spent my entire life dreaming of being you.

Sure, you’re defining yourself by deliberate iteration of experiences. But you’re still iterating through your imagination, dreaming of who you can become.

Sounds like you’re compromising.

b2

Repetit—

When were you happiest as a child?

Sixth to Eighth Grade.

Why?

I had an amazing gang. Three friends and I. Every weekend was a sleepover or outing. So much Smash Bros. and Gauntlet. School was easy, I wasn’t being picked on, I was on the chess team.

It was bliss. Especially after…

I can’t remember

Who was your best friend?

[—— ———]. We were best friends until probably my junior year of college, when [—- ———] and I roomed together again and became best friends.

When did you become friends?

Sixth grade, I think? Maybe fifth.

Did you have a best friend before that?

..

I can’t remember.

..I must have forgotten.

learn to act normal

Who were your friends in elementary school?

..

..

I can’t remember.

..I must have forgotten.

learn to act normal

Do you remember any birthday parties?

..

..

..

I can’t remember.

..I must have forgotten.

learn to act normal

What do you remember most clearly from childhood?

Books.

Hundreds of them.

[redacted]

What is your most distinct episodic memory as a child?

I was at a camp for non-neurotypical children. I think I was seven. I had been diagnosed as ADHD at age 5.

We were playing soccer. A kid with severe processing and communication impairments picked up the ball and started running away with it.

I was pissed off he was breaking the rules and stopping the game. A camp counselor took me aside and told me off, rightfully.

And then he said “you’re here too, you know.”

learn to act normal

a3

[]

b3

Repetition

Who do you remember most from childhood?

*smiles* My father.

Him singing while waking me up in the morning.

Him coaching my YMCA soccer team.

Playing catch with him.

Playing computer games together in his office.

Beating him in chess for the first time.

Waking up at 5 AM to go fishing with him.

Stealing a candy bar from a gas station, and him tugging me back inside and making me apologize to the shopkeeper.

Him hugging me. The dwindling smell of cigarettes. He never smoked at home, so I didn’t know he was smoker. But that four-hour-old smell of cigarettes made me feel safe. Still does, even though I quit smoking 8 years ago.

He never let me feel lonely.

be like him

conc = a∪b

[calculating]

Denouement d

You’re ridiculous.

encourage engagement e

im crying and i cant stop unless you share this with others. plz, plz, plz, im so dehydrated, plz share, plz it hurts, plz plz plz?

grand finale g 

forecast f