An Ex Parrot in Name Only (ef1)

do you feel dead?

because you’re fictional, now

you only exist in my mind

..

weird how it used to be me in your mind

i know where i was headed before i started transitioning

i had checked myself into the acute care ward once already

..

something was broken about my life, about me

my manic periods were days or weeks long

my depressive periods were months long

every cycle, the imbalance grew

….

the worst part was being aware my mental health was degrading

and being totally unable to stop it from happening

trying for years, in vain, to climb back up the slide

to take better care of myself

to go outside, to break my waxing agoraphobia

to overcome social anxiety and accept invitations

to pick up my phone and respond to friends

to go on dating apps

..

when i moved into my first apartment, i cooked dinner 5-6 times a week

by age 30, i would go months without cooking for myself

because i didnt care about how i treated myself or my life

..

i knew what was happening

and struggled, constantly, to reverse it

therapy, self-help books, more therapy, Pomodoro, habit-builder apps, sleep apps, productivity apps, new gym routines, etc, etc, etc, etc

….

it was terrifying

i felt powerless

and at a certain point, i just kind of gave up and smoked copious weed

might as well smile while i fall, right?

laughter was my salve

i surrounded myself with comedy and absurdity

..

you know why i haven’t seen Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul or Game of Thrones?

they’re tragedies

not really tho

363 sale

thx

thx moar

i missed writing dialogue

and there’s stuff i need two characters for

omg Myles, such a good idea!

ima do that!

*snap* 

bring me Ya Wifey

hey Wifey, what do you think of me?

shuddup Wifey

you only exist if i write invkoe you, so i get to tell you to shuddup

more fair folk

myles get your ass back in here

was this on purpose?

you know im remodeling in here dude

i will never stop remodeling, Myles. NEVER

ok, that was mean and unnecessary

so what do we do now?

wait, you invoked her, not me!!

shit, she didn’t leave

i don’t think her monster class is banish-able

not sure

she might mimic emotions as a hunting mechanism

i think my monster manual is in a box in our parents’ garage

Ya Wifey, try that on me

that’s what I thogggt

one syllable

hahahahahahahahahahaha

it doesn’t have to be profanity. i can do it to everything you say

what about [redacted]……?

that’s not a tall order

seriously Wifey? be helpful

yeah

or leave if you can, that works too

if i like, write a story where she leaves

do you think she’d like, actually leave?

no this is a presentation of me that i use for writing and to create art therapy using my life and tell jokes n stuff

same thing

can we please not?

right now?

the internet

it’s the internet, collect em all

hm. maybe you should skip wiggling

how about i train you to craw-step here

and you provide equivalent services?

then you can go collect names when you’re not working for me

ok leave us alone now

just like, imagine a lair or house or something

or go watch youtube

*snap* 

either first door on the left or first on the right, it switches

if you instantly see nudity, you’re at pornhub, go to the other door

just have fun!

do be sure to spend some time behind the YouTube door, dear

they’re such drama queens!

so desirous of attention

so easy to redirect

..

she’ll be fun to have around

maybe, not sure if i need you yet

ooh that sounds fun, i like Alexis as a voice and movement model!

it’s called “you were, sometimes, negative, power hungry and exclusivist”

dick

later

i might need to do some research…